2020

a book made me feel better about living
a book made me feel better about living
so i bought a stone to commemorate the feeling
and i didn’t seem to spiral when i had it in my pocket
but then I lost it and that was part of what it meant
took a walk and talked about what happened with this weekend
was feeling all strong but then you got me on the defense
but you said a lot of stuff that i’m excited to let seep in
and then pretend that i thought of it myself
or that i came across it in a book

valentine’s day
we set out for upstate on valentine’s day
i bought you pretty flowers you had to hold the whole way
the lovebirds up in front were flapping on about their love
as i DJ’d from the back seat wishing somebody would turn the volume up

we arrived well after midnight to the chateau in the trees
her folks were set to sell the place so she spent the four nights torn between her privilege and grief
i did okay the first day but i only got more fragile
you tried including me with jokes and cutting digs that i would always then mishandle
i would always then mishandle

c’mon baby let’s unite the front
let’s batten down the hatches
though the only time we have alone is sleeping in the basement on a busted blow up mattress
let’s sing out all our favorite songs
let’s go and make it all about us
let’s ruin all the goodbyes and show ‘em at the wrong time how we look in the good light
let’s move into the good light
let’s take up all the good light

keep an eye on myself
keep an eye on myself
such a dummy, ain’t it funny i can feel my felt
talk in circles but the spin doesn’t help
keep an eye on myself

i’m camera cursed
got a vision of the kitchen where i die of thirst
close enough to somebody else
to keep an eye only myself

my rainbow’s wet
i’m such a fuck in this fucking mess
climbed up to the top of my shelf
just to keep an eye on myself
all to keep an eye on myself
gotta keep an eye on myself

hide!

showing up in clouds
while you were sleeping on the couch
i thought about walking out and driving back to the national park
shouldn’t have made it a last minute thing to see the stars in cherry spring
but that’s just me, showing up in clouds

earlier on we stopped to brave
a mangled bridge over a range of all the different shades of green
but now you wouldn’t wait all night in case the weather app was right
and it would clear up after three

the wedding was the best one yet, my brother’s love was evident
and my whole family fell for you meantime
i’d been nervous for the speech i couldn’t bear to let you read
but that’s just me, afraid to take advice

almost entirely overcast, could only see one measly patch
that drifted across the expanse
you asked if i’d seen that before, tugging my eyes from the floor
but that’s just you, pulling me to dance

all the times i’ve laid awake and wondered which of us will break and if we’re just too different
these might be the cards i hold
the laundry i will never fold
the grievances i will not put to bed
until you come and find me in my head

midas
you have the midas touch
feel the metal in everything
been around long enough
to have what you’re handling
but you’ll lose it too
the fool in you
you’ll lose it too

you have the midas touch
and nothing will be the same
it’s all getting through the glove
anything you can name
you’ll lose it too
the fool in you
you’ll lose it too

you have the midas touch
keep everything apart
hold out for the taste of love
hold out for the change of heart
you’ll lose it too
the fool in you
you’ll lose it too

nightday

nightday
offered some and i was shrugging please
i was fucking rubber ducking everything
carving colors in the summer seat
wishing all the wishes all were free

the clouds that we found are down in the ground now
wearing your warm shade where i was always bound
stay out and slide babe, we got our own dance hall
welcome to nightday, welcome to the slowfall
welcome to nightday

offered some and i was shrugging please
i was fucking loving all the sympathy
feel the fury of the hurricane
wishing all the wishes all away

the clouds that we found are down in the ground now
wearing your warm shade where i was always bound
stay out of sight babe, we got the whole damn hall
welcome to nightday, welcome to the slowfall
welcome to nightday, welcome to the slowfall

down on me (007 theme)
was a sensitive boy
i could turn on a toy
you caught a shell of my former self
you caught a sensitive boy

i picked up on it late
and hung around at the gate
i took some time to get tired of you
but now i'm sleeping in late

sister i know you're down on me
sister you know it
sister i know you're down on me
and i know you know it
you know it

was a dreamer at heart
i saw the end from the start
and here was i trying to like myself
was i trying too hard

it may be a long life coming
but i don't wanna miss a chance to freak
spending all of your time humming
when our love could make us wanna scream

sister i know you're down on me
sister you know it
sister i know you're down on me
and i know you know it
and i know you know it

famous
the kids were all at beck and call, you could tell them all apart
they knew a lot about it all and they knew it all by heart
oh yeah they shoulda been famous
oh yeah they shoulda been famous

remember lee at 17, had yet to leave a mark
his sister made the magazine and he sat in the dark
but yeah he shoulda been famous

hold a little tighter when she goes a little higher
so come on
hold a little tighter when she goes a little higher
so come on

and after all the alcohol and dancing on the lawn
string lights wrapped up in a ball and set aside til dawn
i drifted to the rise and fall, you sang into my arm
oh yeah we shoulda been famous
oh yeah, we shoulda been famous

clown car
yellow roads going all night
froze in the throes of the green-red light
the golden coal and the diamond heist
of the clown car
and i was poised for an exit bid
if you looked sad but you never did
satisfied in the tireless skid
of the clown car

but if i'm alright then we're all alright
and if you're alright then we're all alright
and if i'm alright then you're alright and we're all alright
aah

arms in arms in the green-red thrall
couldn't say where your eyelids fall
couldn't say you were here at all
in the clown car
and i was poised to feel the glow
of all these strangers i guess i know
and the chevron white of somewhere to go
in the clown car

but if i'm alright then we're all alright
and if you're alright then we're all alright
and if i'm alright then you're alright and we're all alright
aah

make some noise
i banged the shit out of my leg scanning the crowd for you
amid the onslaught of the vague and the words that rhymed with true
you said you dreamed we had a child we couldn't stand to be around
oh but you dreamed we had a child

oh they were such good boys
the committee says make some noise
oh they were such good boys
but when are they gonna play
yeah when they gonna play

i got the fuck out of LA, saw the way the winds were turned
the spell had taken me for days fore i even felt the pull
i'll wait to get down on my knee til i can see it on a screen
i'll wait to get down on my knees

oh they were such good boys
mathematicians call for major chords
oh they were such good boys
but when are they gonna play
yeah when they gonna play

this is why is real because they have it
this is why it's real because they have it and you don't

i banged the shit out of my leg
oh they were such good boys
i got the fuck out of LA
come one everybody make some noise
i banged the shit out of my leg
are they really such good boys
cuz when are they gonna play
yeah when they gonna play

2008

lyca song
i was in the moon
i was bathed in it too
you looking mighty bright
in the laser light
sworn it all before, not gonna fall for that
racing around, all the way down and back

the scruff of my neck
the tongue of my cheek
you're not my mother but i'll let you
she was already gone when i met you

hours in the rain
and the queen anne's lace
she was on her side
in a tired mind
and the breaths were short
almost like a medal porch swing seat
with every little cough
something shutting off on beat

abandoned for dead
on albemarle street
you're not my mother but i'll let you
i've got no other and i'm wet through
from the stuff in my head
to the jump in my feet
i had 9 lives and i left you
but i'd never have tried to forget you

boxed wine (poland)
the boys in your hair and me on the shoulder
the sorriest scare would've sent me hill running
but i was living for your legend
a table too big to bet in

and the ruse was the room, or the way you would walk through
and you were the muse, or the one they could talk to
if i was to learn my lesson
and if you were to let the best in

chute cold wrapped bone
i was in the state of texas
boxed wine, some light
we were staring at the ceiling
dark cage, 2008
you were only happening to me
in history

i followed my docent, all clumsy and tooth-faced
as moment by moment was spoiled by my suitcase
that i was in love to lessen
and i was too tired for guessing

chute cold wrapped bone
i was in the state of texas
boxed fine, summer fine
we were staring at the ceiling
laying waste, 2008
you were only happening to me in history

chute cold flagpole
i was in the state of texas
boxed wine, always right
we were staring at the feeling
a torn page blown safe
you were only happening to me

ithaca
had tried to build a hovel out of hay
the pieces of the rubble somehow grey
and bruises on our knuckles were a mainstay
thinking this could be some trouble in the rain

a drive to ithaca, a wedding day
holding in our breath for every last grave
couldn't make my mind up on my main prey
passing all the puddles in the clay
counting all the bubbles on the pane

but i'd never told you how you looked when you would sleep
how my heart began to breathe
for the first time in that green radio light's glow
and i'd never showed you that one billboard above the trees
and said jesus loves you half as much as i do

started out as simple as a sigh
holding on to little butterflies
you remember every ripple in the maine sky
but you never wanted it to be goodnight
yeah 'cause you still miss those riddles in the rime

but i was never sure and i would fumble with the keys
stubbing toes and skinning knees
making love in that green radio light's glow
and how could i be lonely out on highway 17
with half a dozen flying v's
thinking jesus loves you half as much as i do

baby we've been spending all this time
always trying to get on to the other side
chasing down those highway signs

it was time i told you how i find myself at ease
i know we both prefer to tease
and dance in circles round the meanings of our eyes' glows
but the drive was always slower when we'd try against the breeze
and something lovely we released
when on the way back in confusion said goodbye home
goodbye, goodbye home, goodbye

frogs
we both woke up early on someone else’s couch
drove still drunk on main street with no one else around
our bodies quickly freezing, yeah we were older now

new years eve was beautiful we’d dressed for the event
got some wine on my tie so good thing it was red
you just smiled while certain things came unglued in my head

how we sat like frogs
in that spot on the rug
it hurts to know, my love

you always were a wallflower but i always would forget
we’d go for walks on saturdays all clouded with regret
you were something different i hadn’t fucked up yet

your mindset was a mystery I found it hard to gauge
i often would make speeches how we weren’t on the same page
you never knew I slept around, i guess I haven’t changed

I hate when you smoke
as you’re aware, I’m sure
and it hurts to know, my love
my love

we fell asleep a second time the sun was coming in
my cell phone softly nudging that it had to be plugged in
some neighbor couldn’t start his car, the engine sputtering

i ran across that length of bone
it hurts to know, my love can’t hold
my love can't hold
my love just can't hold

callow hills
so i passed you on those callow hills we walked
strained my neck to get a better view
secret synonyms they're buried and they're locked
finally found the keys to stowing you
but in my mind there's still one room without a door
and when i see your little ghost sneak cross the floor
it begs the question of what all that work was for
that took so long
the first time round

now i've been staying up too late to see the stars
trying to wrap my head around that blue
i took your book out on the lake when it got dark
because it seemed something a broken heart would do
but in my head there's still a mouse upon a wheel
and it's been ages since he stopped to have a meal
and every spin away from on an even keel
is just as hard
as the first time round
the first time round

passed our bridge as i was making my way home
imagined it had long gone to the sea
but people walking over perfect solid stone
crumbled up my evening reverie
because in my heart there's still two lovers in a car
and they're circling the block to the guitar
of some old song, they're waiting for their favorite part
that hadn't come
the first time round

extras

hello (not adele)
poetry is hard when we're smoking weed
just catching all your high thoughts the scrolling feed
i don't fix nothing at all
just set at some table sipping a straw
and if you want to put yourself there hello
how far we fall for whom we love hello
how strong we are when we're above hello

comedy is hard feeling this need
missing all your right flaws to cause a scene
i don't think it moves at a crawl
the splitting of a cable you're pulling taut
and if you want to put yourself there hello
how far we fall from whom we love hello
how strong we are when we're above hello

i don't plan the years in advance
because it's all the same
but i think i thought our kids would call
each other names

white fragility
can i envy you
did i miss that day in school
am i nothing new
can i envy you
when everything is crystal

i was holding my own life
i was holding my own tight
from the shining in my eyesight
when everything is crystal

can i envy you
as i watch you break right through
what can you hold onto
when everything is crystal

one eye love*
i'll try to keep my sadness on straight, one eye love
come up here to watch it turn late, one eye love
used to have more stories than these, cut off at the knees i swear

tell me it's all lit up tall, one eye love
down along the museum mall, one eye love
feel that fifth avenue breeze and feed me your seaside prayers
got my hand full of leaves but the gesture just seems so spare

took em out friday to get waterphones
tugged by the train and the skin of my bones
always was blind when it came to my love
feel you in light turning under your coat
dashed all my dreams and i'm racing them home
and everyone's cheering but every record i hold
has an asterisk coming after it

pulled it like a picture of you, one eye love
stole it like the stairs down to your room, one eye love
miles from the traveler's post, see it hovering in snow and air
i tripped over your ghost, was it me who left it there
small bundle of clothes, was it me who left you bare

took em out friday to get waterphones
tugged by the train and the skin of my bones
always was blind when it came to my love
feel you in light turning under your coat
dashed all my dreams and i'm racing them home
and everyone's cheering but every record i hold
has an asterisk coming after it

the beautiful song (for john prine)
can’t stand the kids, all they ever want is raisins
can’t stand the weather when it feels like it seems
i don’t know where i’m goin but i’m gonna be a caesar
it’s the beautiful song
it’s the beautiful song
yeah it’s the beautiful song

how’s about you throw out that goose paper behind ya
when you go up to jump up on the big trampoline
everything tells a story, all you gotta do is listen
cuz it’s the beautiful song
yeah it’s the beautiful song
yeah it’s the beautiful song
yeah it’s the beautiful song
the beautiful song

jordan doc
watching the jordan doc, the sadness scatters
i’ll shine my light the more it matters
the morning time will light up my words
til the sun gets away and then none of it happened
i’ve burned my fuse, i’m on some bender
i’m so sick of clues about where my friends are
and i’m fuckin tired of myself but I’m happy
so i know, so i say, so i think

the landing
oh my poet in the white grove
my poseidon in the sea foam
madhatter laughing patterns while you’re taking in the show
don’t tell anyone i’m rattled
plucking every flower petal
as more chariots keep entering the battlefield below

i wanna find the landing
be the one to find the landing
wanna be defined by the landing
i kinda wanna be the landing
then i wanna hide the landing
someday die on the landing
if i could only find the landing
if we could only find the landing

oh my mother gone too soon
wish you could have heard the loon
couldn’t bring myself to ask but then you showed up in the moon
and my petty little secret
and i don’t know why i keep it
is i’m in it for the glory, i don’t care about the view

figure eights
feeling in figure eights
cursing the city walls
nothing accumulates
and destiny never calls
remember the church they made
the roof that could not be built
so they just left a hole
and one day they found it filled

we came to this full stop running
lost our faith while jumping
friends say they saw it coming
but what do they know, little know it alls

stepped off the new year floor
needed another a breath
it was an older tune
the fogies were owning it
was months till i said a word
who knows what was in your head
if i could get back there now
don’t know what i’d do instead

we came to this full stop running
found our faith while jumping
friends say they saw it coming
but what do they know, little know it alls

hide!
if you let me hide i will
you'd probably find me still
woke up miserable
afraid i'd dreamed it all
you’re too nice to me, too nice!

was in my head today
you pulled the wool away
wasn't ready yet
didn't know what ready meant
you’re too nice to me, too nice!

you were crying low
at our tv show
didn’t care that it
seemed impossible
you’re too nice to me, too nice!

carousel
i was coming in slow i was cruising low
you were sharp as a star and i was pointed home
where the picture on the mantel did a pirouette for you
but i only wish to know you better
swear i only wish to know you better

i keep my father's face in my eye and i just try and try
the bearskin strength of a man in the firelight
and darling you could hold a candle to any of the other ones
but i only wish to straighten your sweater
sure i only wish to straighten your sweater

cuz they're lining up thin for the old trick
where the great wide wheel spins but it don't click
yeah they're lining up thin for the old trick
where the whole wild world spins and you don't stick

i was coming in slow i was cruising low
you were sharp as a star but i was pointed home

yeah they're lining up thin for the old trick
where the great wide wheel spins but it don't click
yeah they're lining up thin for the old trick
where the whole wild world spins and you don't stick
yeah they're lining up thin and the whole world spins
and you're heartsick

i don't believe in love
got all dressed up and i sat with my parents
squirming around on the edge of the seat
fiddling with paper and trimming the candles
feeling inside like a strange enemy
because i don't believe in love

i watch my friends sway in wild abandon
i watch my friends breathe a sigh of relief
i have no interest in asking the question if i
don't even know i don't know what it means
i don't believe in love

i saw the miracle light shining down from the sky
i heard a voice so true it almost made me cry
but i'm sure there's a simple explanation
that there's a real reason why
i don't believe in love

i think we live on the edge of a canyon
and i can see my way down to the sea
there ain't no way i'll let go of the brambles
there ain't no way that they'll let go of me
because i don't believe in love

a hundred hideaways
you don't sleep as tight
and i can't sit back alone
hard to feel aright
in the reaches of your throne
in the reaches of your throne

but you know we never had a hundred hideaways
and you always could find your brothers
for the coming back inside time of day
i'm sorry i'm just like the others
i'm sorry i'm just like the others

was a perfect fight
never got to the core
don't it feel alright
when it leaves you wanting more
when it leaves you wanting more

but you know we never had a hundred hideaways
and you always could find your brothers
for the coming back inside time of day
i'm sorry i'm just like the others
i'm sorry i'm just like the others
ah but we're singing for you

back of the line
like most things you didn't choose it
drifted into it until you got caught up in the twine
of the heartstrings swelling with music
no sudden movements or you're straight to the back of the line
the back of the line

not your part of town, no you're just rooming
among the humans with no curtains or places to hide
all your heartstrings tethered the evening when you were leaving
you raised your hand, a not quite goodbye
to the back of the line

and then the ferry boat comes while you're sleeping
she sees you dreaming and warms and lifts you up like a child
and all your heartstrings are swirling after
all that you'd ask her, you know before you open your eyes
you're at the back of the line

dumbbell
alice could you tell you had tripped into a film
cheek laughing on your palm
and your hair over the sill
saying come on back inside you dumbbell

alice it was wrong every time i tried to talk
my teeth were closing in
and my tongue was hanging long
saying come on back inside you lost dog

lissie heard you say
we're all dancing through the pain
and the bruises on our arms ain't what they thought
so come on back in side it's okay
it's okay, it's okay

lissie heard you say
we're all dancing through the pain
and the bruises on our arms are not our fault
so come on back in side it's okay
it's okay, it's okay

alice could you tell
with every inch in love i fell
i could see all that you could
be to someone else
oh come on back inside you dumbbell

want it man
when the sky gave it was a punishment
when the doors closed it was a delay
when the floor fell it trapped our bodies in
that soft square of cellophane
and you were all grown up now

when the time came you dried your promises
in the sun room, over the sink
and you talked tall as the colors bled
and it made it more easy to think
it was all falling down

no villain but years, you're singing your blues
no killing your fears but you're letting them bruise
and i'm the want it man

brooklyn
a bird flies down
into the alleyway
there's not a cloud
must be ac rain

iron fire escape
rusted and stained
there's no fire in there
i'm out here anyway

the golden hour
the shadows on brick
the dying flowers
from weeds grown so thick

iron fire escape
rusted and stained
there's no fire in there
no fire per se

which way's the street
which way is queens
which way is west
and which way is she

iron fire escape
rusted and stained
there's no fire in there
but i've been out here all day

get a move on taylor
taylor was a boy much like any other son
taylor liked to mess around with his father's gun
taylor learned early about living on the run cause he had to

taylor hardly stayed very long in just one place
taylor had dreams where he saw his father's face
there was something deep inside him that he could not erase though he might want to

so when the wind settled down
he was nowhere to be found
he'd ride all night and all day
through the plains
while a voice inside said, "get a move on taylor"

taylor kept a moving onto new towns every day
a killer he had been so a killer he would stay
as much as you might wish, you can't wish that one away and so why try to

he took the lives of many but he never felt the deaths
just that weary traveler's feeling of running out of breath
one day he took his own life just so he could get some rest
he thought that would do

but it opened up the ground
he saw the devil looking down
the devil pointed a fiery cane towards the flames
and then he sighed and said, "get a move on taylor"

taylor was my brother and the only one i had
i was just thirteen when he took my mom and dad
my whole life spent wondering if i am just as bad
what if i am too

everyone i've ever loved has left me all alone
sure i want a wife someday, and kids to call my own
but i cannot control when my heart might turn to stone
sometimes it wants to

when it's time for settling down
with each woman i have found
i try to hide all night and all day from the pain
but that voice inside says, "get a move on taylor"

ballroom in the sky
there's a hallway in the trees and a ballroom in the sky
don't ask why, it's just easy for me to see things in terms like these
i tried to take a picture or two
i'm sorry if that doesn't do
you should be seeing it too
a ride alone can change your life

because as i was leaving
i just got this feeling
that it was all so stupid
if i could be with you then

you are rain mixing with snow
you are everywhere that you go
don't be sad, nobody i know
ever feels quite at home
you've had to take good with the bad

because as i was leaving
i just got this feeling
that it was all so stupid
if i could be with you then who needs a road

i am a house with a fence and a yard
i am shining in every star
but that's not what you were looking for
i can be less or be more
be more

because as i was leaving
i finally saw some reason
it was all so stupid
if i could be with you then
who needs a road

factories
sheepcotes and mills where you swore you'd be
on a train in the rain
born were we in the wrong days
underpass in the grass and the highway beams
what a dream, so obscene
torn from my past are my memories

don't think i'll be letting this go
'til they pry my fingers
can't say i don't have a good hold
look how i linger
know i am on to your ways
and i have been all winter
but as sure as my tracks in the grey snow
don't think i'll be letting this go

so that's what they build in the factories
just some clouds for our mouths
worn at the seams so we can breathe out
with a mask made of glass in a window seat
on a plane full of pain
sure it was fast but so serene

don't think i'll be letting this go
'til they pry my fingers
can't say i don't have a good hold
look how i linger
i know i am wasting my days
and i have been all winter
but as sure as my tracks in the grey snow
don't think i'll be letting this go

construction site (see how they run)
blind as mice
blind as mice we shook off our spies
we shook them and caution tape
caution tape i wrote your name
i wrote it but i don't know where

musketeers
musketeers as the moonlight peers
the moonlight and you saw me then
you saw me then in that machinery den
machinery but i don't know where you feel it
i don't know where you fill it in from

maine
was all the way to maine
remembered it was yours
the drumming of the waves
the screaming of the shore
and i was sure

i could find it
if no one was watching
but i was blinded
tidepool eyesore
but i was light then
i was light then
i was light then
i was light

had to jump into the lake
to feel how down it goes
your secrets all are safe
right there in a row
in a row

and all that i'd give
through a fog unlocking
couldn't hide it
tidepool eyesore
but i was light then
I was light then
i was light then
i was light

that frozen garden
is this that frozen garden
you almost fall apart in
but then you stone into a swan again
and fly the fountain dry

is this that goddamn garden
i almost fall apart in
but then i swing into a song
and wonder why the fountain died

is this that frozen garden
that no one thought of starting
that they let burn into a swamp
and come july they'll say we tried